Questions for the lunchlady
You, lunchlady, and I are not terribly conversant. I point, you pile, I leave. However, we need to chat about some things. Surely, you must have an endless list of questions for me -- please give me the address of
your blog -- and I have some questions for you:
1) Where's the meat? Now, the pile of flesh-colored cubes, soaked in chile sauce, that I pointed at -- and you piled -- yesterday, that sure looked like chicken, and it sure brought a smile to my face. Imagine my dismay, however, when I put chopsticks to cubes, cubes to mouth and, tofu?! I, as a carniverous creature, native to the middle part of North America, am used to eating lots and lots of cows, chickens, turkeys and other creatures. However, I see many of these same creatures everywhere I go in China, yet I almost never see them on the slopline. How to explain this?
2) Where's the tea? Yes, I know I provide great amusement every time I request Pepsi. You turn the Pepsi dispenser on just for me, as no other person ever has Pepsi with meals. Nor, I've noticed, does any other person have any kind of drink with meals. Now, I've been raised to believe that China is a land of obsessive tea drinkers. Yet, not once, anywhere on campus, have I seen anyone drinking tea, or tea available for sale. Is this campus, when it comes to tea, dry? If it were an option, I would choose it over Pepsi, saving you the hassle of turning on the Pepsi machine each time I enter your domain.
3) Where's the fruit? In America, we're taught to believe that, together, fruits and vegetables should account for at least five servings a day. You've got the veggie quota met, even exceeded, but this is an unequal marriage. Again, I'd be led to believe that this campus bans fruit, except that, everyday, I stop by the old, kind woman's fruit stand, twenty strides from your cafeteria, point at ten mandarin oranges, and chow them the rest of the day. If they were available at your cafeteria, I promise I would buy from you. No offense to the old, kind woman who is my sole source of fruit.
4) Who eats the sloppile after every meal? Surely, this cannot go to waste. An idea: feed the sloppile to a hungry cow, and, after a few months, feed the once-hungry cow to this meat-hungry American.
